The Brain-Eating Amoeba Incident

On September 1st, another tragedy unfolded. This time, the threat was invisible, insidious, and allegedly cultivated by the park's own grotesque standards of hygiene. This is the story of that fateful day.

Photo of the brave victim

The victim, moments before the incident.

A First-Hand Account

A young woman has bravely come forward to share her traumatic experience. While visiting Goob Lagoon with friends, she faced not only the owner's legendary hostility but also a biohazard that has left her friend fighting for their life in the hospital.

Key Allegations from the Testimony:

  • Physical Intimidation: The owner allegedly chased her best friend with a hammer before attempting to unjustly eject them from the park.
  • Hazardous Conditions: The park was described as having "water everywhere," causing patrons to fall continuously, indicating a severe lack of maintenance.
  • Undisclosed Biohazard: The victim's friend has since been hospitalized with a brain-eating amoeba, contracted from a section of the park that had no warnings about potential biological risks.
  • Willful Negligence: Park staff failed to inform guests that they were swimming in water that was, for all intents and purposes, a petri dish for microscopic nightmares.

Our firm, Frivolous, Jape & Guffaw LLP, is now investigating this incident as a potential new front in our class-action lawsuit. The owner's "insane legal team" will be no match for the truth.