Case Files & Mounting Evidence
Our investigation into the Goob Lagoon continues to uncover a shocking pattern of negligence, bizarre workplace incidents, and outright hostility. Below are key findings.
Employee Dossier: A Culture of Incompetence
File #002: Joaquin - The Misguided Janitor
Subject demonstrates a revolutionary, yet wholly ineffective, approach to park sanitation. Video evidence captures Joaquin diligently sweeping the inside of a pool full of water and cleaning already spotless pavement while actively ignoring hazardous spills and visible trash. This pattern of behavior highlights a fundamental failure in staff training and supervision.
File #003: Atlas (TERMINATED) - The Saboteur
Former employee Atlas was terminated following a series of inexplicable system-wide failures. It is heavily suspected that Atlas hacked the park's internal systems, causing multiple stream crashes. His work ethic was so poor that he made his replacement, Joaquin, look like a model employee by comparison. Was Atlas a disgruntled employee, or a whistleblower silenced before he could expose the truth? The investigation is ongoing.
SPECIAL REPORT: The Benjamin Incident
In a shocking on-stream confession, the park manager alleged that a former maintenance worker, identified only as "Benjamin," spent an entire shift embedding crack cocaine into the grout of the pool tiles in an attempt to frame management. This incident points to a deeply toxic and potentially criminal work environment. We urge any former employees with knowledge of "Benjamin" to come forward immediately.
Evidence Locker: Park Hazards & Vandalism
Exhibit A: The Graffiti Files (A Cry for Help)
"POOP EVERYWHERE"
"i like trains"
"Queso was here"
These desperate messages, scrawled by patrons, paint a grim picture of the park's atmosphere.
Victim Testimonials
"Ugh, that hurt! I regret everything!"
- Aileen, apprehended vandal and victim of emotional distress.
"Why me?!"
- Braxton, another individual whose joy turned to despair at the hands of park management.
"Puddle's got a vendetta."
- Unidentified patron, suggesting even the park's inanimate features possess a malevolent intent.