Voices of the Victims

The negligence of Goob Lagoon has left a trail of devastation. Here, we share the stories of those who have suffered, along with the shocking and often contradictory "official" responses from park management.

Case File #BEA-001: The Hammer & The Amoeba

Video testimony courtesy of @quartofknee

"My friend is in the hospital with a brain-eating amoeba."

This brave individual recounts a day of terror that began with staff hostility and ended with a life-threatening medical emergency for her best friend.

  • Workplace Violence: The park owner allegedly chased her friend with a hammer in a fit of rage.
  • Hazardous Conditions: The park was dangerously slick with "water everywhere," causing numerous patrons to slip and fall.
  • Biohazard Contamination: The victim's friend has since been hospitalized with a brain-eating amoeba, contracted from the park's water.
  • Failure to Warn: Patrons were not informed of the biological risks present in the swimming areas, a shocking act of willful negligence.

Official Statement from Park Management

"Oh, I'm canceled... Bro, WHAT?! Oh my god... Dude, this looks REAL. Yes, you were [told about the amoebas]. It's advertised! We have an insane legal team. Good luck with that." - Park Manager CaseOh, upon viewing the testimony

Case File #DB-001: The Diabetes Diagnosis

Video testimony courtesy of @autumn.xxvi

"The Goob Lagoon Gave Me Diabetes"

Autumn's harrowing account begins with a simple desire for a refreshing beverage. What she received was a life-altering medical condition due to deceptive and predatory business practices.

  • Deceptive Pricing: Patrons were told the lemonade was "free," only to discover exorbitant surcharges for every component.
  • Medical Ramifications: The dangerously high sugar content of the lemonade allegedly resulted in a full-blown diabetes diagnosis.
  • Verbal Assault: When approaching the manager, she was allegedly looked "up and down" and called a "goober."

Official Statement from Park Management

When presented with these serious allegations, the Park Manager seemed primarily concerned that his own mother had seen the video:

"My mom commented on it! 'Not what I expected to open TT to this morning.'" - Park Manager CaseOh, expressing familial concern over legal liabilities.