Incident Report

Case File: Episode 13 - The Slide of Liability

Episode 13 of operations at Goob Lagoon was marked by the introduction of a dangerously fast water slide, leading to severe injuries. This, combined with a rampant vandalism spree and a near-drowning, underscores the complete collapse of managerial oversight.

Official Park Security Footage

By the Numbers: A Statistical Breakdown

103

Total Guests

71%

Satisfaction Rate

56

Injuries & Slips

1

Near-Drownings

8

Sanitation Issues

3

Managerial Assaults

Chronology of Chaos

The Treacherous Slide

A new, towering green slide, installed without apparent safety testing, immediately became a significant hazard. A patron, identified as Lorenzo, was observed traveling at an excessive speed, catching significant air, and landing violently in the pool below. The impact was severe, resulting in what appeared to be a catastrophic leg injury.

"It's not my fault that they go so fast on the slide... when you're going down a 90-degree angle vertical slide like that you can't have much speed cuz you're going to catch air and then when you land you're going to get hurt bad." - Park Manager CaseOh

The Mass Vandalism Incident

During a period of high park traffic, multiple acts of vandalism occurred. An unidentified individual was observed spray-painting graffiti on several park surfaces, including the main five-star sign, which was defaced with the phrase "SO MUCH PEE." Later, another message, "PEE PEE POO POO," was found on a concrete wall.

"Who did it?! Who is doing this?!" - Park Manager CaseOh

Negligent Rescue of Francesca

A patron identified as Francesca was observed in severe distress, drowning in one of the main pools. Despite the clear emergency, management was slow to react. The manager, CaseOh, eventually retrieved a life ring and performed a rescue, but the delayed response highlights a severe lack of emergency preparedness.

"I'm here, I'm here! I got here as soon as I could! You can't be out here drowning like that!" - Park Manager CaseOh